The Redeemer

I can't believe it! WE DID IT! I am finally getting the all clear to get my church to do World Vision! The ability to change children's lives for the better. I have learned to accept what God does in my life instead of rejecting it. its better that way.

TOday is a hard day. My mom it seems, tries to put me down at every golden oportunity. I thought shed be happy that i was offered to play a solo on my violin. NO! she said i sucked, she said i was horrible. and she said the only reason i sounded good before was because i was playing with other people. She also said that she was way better than me. Everytime! Every time i try to do something, my mom is behind telling me i suck. Why can't she see that im trying? Why can't i do something i love? Im not that bad... Im not. I know im not Bach, but, Lord, why wont she leave me alone??? and let  me live my own life??? For some reason, it didn't bother her when i did solos before, why does it bother her now??? WHY??? She is so mean to me sometimes. She is telling me one second to do whatever i want the next, shes telling me to not play the solo. What do i do??? I wish she wasn't such 2 sided with everything. Should i respect her wishes and not do the solo? or should i do it and shock her??? To show her how good i truly am???

 

 

Please help me.

Im doing this thing at church where we will be promoting world vsion. YAY! I can't believe it is actually working. But, ill post more later.

 

About Wally. Wally is a really good friend of mine who hosts the show Total Axxes on WAYFM. He bradcasts out of TN, and ive known him for a while now. We have more in common than i thought. He also helped me when i was going through my suicidal rampage. He gave me a task to do. He wants me to play The Devil Went Down To Georgia. And SING it too. THEN, he said he was going to record me LIVE on the radio! THIS IS COOL!!! It will be cool if i did that, and di it well. I know Wally will like whatever i do... even if i suck. I just hope, he doesn't want me to sound like Bach or Mozart. Becuase, that IS NOT happening!



 

I have a friend named Darla, and she is not doing good right now... i think she might be dying. I don't know what to do. I love her too much to see her die. I have never felt it when you know someone is going to die, you just don't know when....

This day is probably the easiest out of all of them... although... yesterday was the worst! But, Wally said it would go away soon. I almost didn't make it yesterday... the smell of meat and beans... yummy! But, ive got along way to go... April 25! im sooooooooooooooooooo hungry! How Wally ever did this, i really would like to know. because, its taking all my faith to just not eat. but, yea, i can do it. Its hard, but, its worth it. It takes allot of faith, but, i cand o

Its tough to do this... I knew it wasn't going to be easy... and i know whatever happens... its all for Him... and He isn't telling me to stop either... He knows my heart... its probably bigger than the average humans... i don't care... i messed up... once and it was tiny... and im going to not do it. Children who starve on a regular basis can't cheat... so why should i? i feel guilty for doing it... but, i can do it... i know i can... i made a committment and im not going to back down.

I am going to do the 30 day famine instead, which shows my love for world vision. What the 30 hour/day famine is, is that, for 30 hours, you eat nothing and you sleep outside and all the while, try to raise money for world vision... i feel it can work. Children get nothing to eat for days on end, and i feel that we can do this. 

If you havent figured out, by now, im crazy for World Vision. I have great ideas for it, and, im hoping to get some started. I am starting something at church... and hopefully, at school too. Although, we do have something going on at school, i hope we can extend it further. I got these catalogues in the mail Friday, and im going to use them at school. I already did at church... Thanks Todd. And, i apparently, have to buy more... i guess 3 catalogues wasn't enough. but, ill get them.. no problem. I've realized, once God puts a need in your heart, you long for it more and more. When i read the catalogue, it put tears in my eyes. Real tears too. Which was cool. I want to do something... and now that im over the pity party of myself, i can do something. As mean as that sounded, its true. I'm glad i can do something. I am going to print out somethings that i can use for school and Church... which is cool. Maybe, Magz, can help me with these things, and since she is good at talking to people and she is good at allot of things, i think she can help me do this. So, what do you say Magz?

 

I lost my Ipod!!! I don't know what to do. Ive tried everything to get it back! And if He doesn't answer my prayer, im going to go nuts.Well, Hes got until friday... or ill do it myself.